


To Be Loved

by Fanfics_r_us



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Cutting, F/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 03:03:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfics_r_us/pseuds/Fanfics_r_us
Summary: After years of being treated and told that you were meaningless, you wanted nothing more than to be loved. Upon dating Jumin Han, you were able to feel this and slowly shove away the crippling depression and dark thoughts within you. However, things take a turn for the worst when Jumin starts showing interest in the newest member of the RFA causing you to go back to your dark ways, only this time, you aren't so sure you will come back from losing the love of your life.(Sorry, I suck at making summaries.)





	To Be Loved

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first time writing a fanfiction so I am really sorry if it's kinda shitty... I hope I didn't make too many mistakes and it doesn't seem rushed... I hope you enjoy it! Feedback is highly appreciated! :)
> 
> (May add a second chapter but still unsure)

“Honey, I was wondering if today we could-“

“My sincerest apologies my love but I have already made plans for today.”

“But-“

“I truly am sorry dear, but I must be going. I am already running late.” With a quick kiss to your forehead, your boyfriend of almost a year made a hasty exit from the penthouse you two called home.

  
Oh, how you wish you could say this was the first time he has put down any plans of the two of you spending time together, however, this was a frequent occurrence. Your boyfriend was a busy man, which was to be expected as heir of the C&R International Company and a member of the RFA.  
You would go weeks without seeing him, yet he still made sure to call you every day. He made sure to tell you how much he loved you and how every second without you in his arms was destroying him inside. You best believe when he returned he smothered you with his affection, going as far as refusing to let you leave his side, even to go to the bathroom. The days in which he did not have to work, you two would go on dates and spend every moment together.

  
It was like a cliché romance movie but you loved it. Who could blame you? All your life you were looked down upon by your peers and even your own mother. There was no one in your life who cared enough to be by your side nevertheless, love you. That is, until Jumin Han walked in.  
After years of suffering, after years of being alone, you finally found happiness with a man who loved you just as much as his cat (only those who knew him would understand just how much he loved his cat, Elizabeth the 3rd).

  
Yet… If he loved you as much as he claimed to, why did he always leave you behind? Why did he turn his back to you? But most importantly, why did he always come to **her** every beck and call?

  
It was two months ago when the RFA gained its newest member, a kind young woman who was more than willing to continue Rika’s legacy. She helped the RFA revert back to what it once was, all the while, gaining the hearts of each member. At first, she was no bother to you. In fact, you were happy that she was there to help the RFA pick up where they left off, having attended a couple parties when Rika was alive, and after befriending everyone upon dating Jumin, it was only natural you would come to welcome her with open arms. Jumin did not seem to really care for the girl in the beginning but as days went by, his feelings for the woman seemed to change which did not go unnoticed by you. It started with quick responses and little smiles then frequent phone calls and him leaving work early to assist her with preparing parties. You tried to reassure yourself that Jumin was trying to help the RFA in anyway he possibly could but after the party that announced the RFA’s return, you weren’t so sure that was the case anymore. He continued to text and call her often, ignoring your own calls and texts if he was talking to her. When you were in the same room as him, your presence went unnoticed as he was too busy smiling at his phone. Your dates were now filled with one-sided conversations and him constantly looking down at his phone, but that didn’t last long before he got rid of dates all together in order to spend time with her.

  
Excuse after excuse were thrown your way as to why he could not spend time with you,

  
“I’m sorry love, MC needs me to help pick out some things for the upcoming party.”

  
“Not today dear, I promised I would help MC. Maybe next time.”

  
It was like you no longer mattered to him, your existence meant nothing. You tried to push these feelings down, using memories of the sweet moments you spent together and recalling his love filled words to keep you going but eventually, that wasn’t enough. That only left you with one option, revert back to your old ways of numbing the pain.

  
Which led you here, sitting on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, with a blood-stained blade gripped tightly in your shaky hands. A warm red liquid slid down your side, creating a small stain on the hem of your pajama bottoms. Old and new scars littered your sides. Each one having a painful story to tell.

  
Truthfully, you don’t know why you do this to yourself. You continuously put yourself through situations you know will only cause you to break your promise to yourself to never touch a blade again. You knew being with Jumin was too good to be true, you knew this sweet dream you were living in was not going to last long, you knew no one would ever truly love you and it was only a matter of time before Jumin kicked you to the curb for someone else. You knew, yet you still put yourself in this situation.  
This is all your fault, at least, that’s what you told yourself…

  
“Why… Why am I not good enough?” Words tumbled past your shaky lips, eyes blurry with unshed tears. Your grip on the blade only tightening, pressing further into the flesh of your palm and drawling beads of blood in its wake not that you noticed. Your other hand reached up to grab a fistful of your hair, wanting nothing more than to rip it out in frustration. Your chest heaved violently as you struggled to fight the emotions bubbling inside of you. Cutting, your last resort in gaining some form of release was no longer soothing you, leaving you conflicted on what you should do next. That is, until your blurry vision contacted your untouched arm. You had considered it multiple times but you would shove those thoughts aside because you had something worth living for, Jumin Han. He was the reason why you continued to fight the darker thoughts that tried to lure you into taking your own life.

  
_‘But he isn’t here, now is he? He left you for someone better…’_ A harsh voice in your head hissed. _‘Someone more intelligent, beautiful, talented, all the things you aren’t… He couldn’t care less about you, after all, if he did, he would be by your side instead of hers… You will never be good enough… Never…’_

  
As if those words had knocked some sense into you, your whole body seemed to relax into an eerily calm state. The blade was no longer clutched tightly in your hand, instead it drew lazy patterns along your arm. The voice in your head was right, if Jumin Han loved you he would be here to stop you from cutting yourself open. No, instead he was off probably screwing the party coordinator. He found someone better than you which means he no longer needs you in his life. You were back to being all alone.

  
Staring at the wall ahead of you, you pushed the blade deep into your flesh. You didn’t even flinch as you began to drag it roughly up your arm, blood gushing out of the self-inflicted wound. A soft sigh of relief left your lips as you leaned your head back, eyes closing. You were so far gone, you didn’t even hear the bedroom door open and a voice call out your name. The soft footsteps that was approaching the bathroom door went completely unnoticed by you as you were more focused on the feeling of blood rapidly leaving your body, but the sound of the bathroom door opening caused you to open your eyes and meet that of the wide metallic ones you have come to love.

  
Coming into the bathroom, Jumin was absolutely horrified by the sight of his lover bleeding out right before his very eyes. Scrambling to pull out his phone, he was quick to call for help as he grabbed the shirt you had discarded when you first started cutting yourself to press firmly against your wound. His heart hammered in his chest as he silently begged whatever greater power that was out there to have help arrive soon.

  
A breathy chuckle left your lips as you lazily watched Jumin apply pressure to your wound, trying to stop the bleeding. “Always thought I would die alone… Guess you proved me wrong.”

  
His eyes snapped back up to yours, taking note of the small smile that played at your lips. A mixture of feelings brewed inside him, confusion and anger standing out the most as to why you did this. “[Name]… Why? Why did…” he choked on his words, unable to finish his sentence.

  
You stared at him for a moment longer before leaning your head back and gazed up at the ceiling. “Why? Because I am not good enough Jumin Han… I never have been…” Giving a soft sigh, you continue, “All my life, all I ever wanted was to be loved… To feel like I meant something… I didn’t think it was much to ask for…” Your vision started to blur, “But I guess it was… Even so…” You lowered your gaze back to Jumin’s with a small smile, “I am happy I got to experience it with you… Just seeing your face wiped away years’ worth of painful memories… Your loving words drowned out the ones that left me scarred…” Tears slid down your face as your smiling lips quivered. Jumin could feel his own eyes start to water as he took in your loving words. “I love you Jumin Han…” You chuckled, “I love you so much… Even if you don’t love me anymore… That’s okay because no matter what, I will always love you.”

  
Jumin suddenly couldn’t remember how to breath properly as he stared into your eyes that were filled with nothing but adoration for him. He cupped your cheeks, “Of course I love you [name]! Why would you think I wouldn’t- “ He froze as he finally realized what you meant. All you did was give a knowing but sad smile. This was his fault, that he knew. He was so caught up in the mystery that was MC that he neglected his own girlfriend, the woman he loved and had planned to marry someday. This entire time you thought he had fallen in love with another woman and he never once did anything to help reassure you that he loved you.

  
Your eyelids drooped as you struggled to stay awake. “It’s alright… I understand…”

  
“No… No, you don’t understand! I love you! God, I’m so sorry [name], this is all my fault. If I had just been there…” Jumin pressed his forehead against yours, tears sliding down his cheeks as his body trembled. “Please… Please don’t leave me…” His lips brushed against yours.

  
One of your hands came up to gently caress his left cheek, leaning into him as you closed your eyes, no longer being able to keep them open.  
“Come on baby… Stay with me.” Jumin cried, “Help will be here any minute now.”

  
“I can’t Jumin… I can’t…” You whispered. Even if help did arrive in the next minute, you doubt they could save you. You already lost too much blood and your chances of surviving were very slim. You knew this and had accepted your fate. “I love you Jumin… With all my heart.”

  
With those last words, you drifted into a peaceful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> HEY, SELF-HARM IS NOT OKAY. I DO NOT SUPPORT IT AND DO NOT WANT ANY OF YOU PRECIOUS ANGELS HARMING YOURSELVES.


End file.
